Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Losing face
As I’ve said before – I love The Biggest Loser. I love the way it changes peoples lives. I love how they can take a massive lump of human flesh, and turn it into a smokin’ hot adult male. But wow, did they hit a new low last night.

As much as I love the show, there are two things about that have grown increasingly annoying. The first is Allison Sweeny. God is she annoying. She repeats everything at least three times, with obviously contrived interest, and speaks very slowly. As a “famous actress” on “Days of Our Lives” and “Celebrity Mole”, she feels she must take on these characteristics so the cretins she is talking to understand her.

The send is the shameless, brazen product placement. Who walks around the kitchen talking to their friends, “if you use these Ziploc Steam n Lock” bags, you can make your meals for a week. The Ziplock Steam n Lock” backs are perfect for that.” It’s oh, so bad.

Last night however they really stooped to a new low in the drive for ratings. Now, the premise of the show is to lose as much weight as possible. Every week they weigh in, and the 2 married couples/parent-child teams who have gained the least us up for elimination. Everyone else votes, and one team goes home – pretty standard stuff.

Last night they decided that the one and only team who lost the least weight, would have to go back to their rooms and decide which of them will go home. Are you kidding me? So here were with Colleen and here dad Paul, in there room balling there eyes out because neither wants the other to go. Paul FYI, is seriously in the brink of death if he doesn’t lose weight.

Why in God’s name would a show do something like that? I understand it’s a ratings game buy my God, is nothing sacred? It was terrible and shameless. I’ll keep watching because I love the premise, and I love watching these people lose weight and turn their lives around. But shame on these producers – I hate this show.

Have a little self-respect, would ya’ NBC?

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Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Fall Reality - What to Watch (says me)
The Biggest Loser: Families
Premieres Tuesday, September 16 at 8PM ET/PT - NBC
NBC has announced The Biggest Loser: Families -- the reality weight-loss series' sixth-season. This installment will be a "family edition" featuring teams consisting of two family members each.

I love this show! I’m so psyched that it’s back. All kidding aside, it’s great watching these people turn their lives around. It almost inspires me to start getting into the fitness thing… almost.

Survivor: Gabon
Premieres on Thursday, September 18 at 8PM ET/PT - CBS
The seventeenth edition of this long-running reality competition series will mark the debut of CBS' new fall schedule. The rest of the network's schedule won't begin premiering until Monday, September 22, the official start of the 2008-2009 television season.

Thank God it’s back. I love this show. So much to love, so much to make fun of. You’ll definitely be getting updates on this one as the season progresses. Yay!!

The Amazing Race 13
Premiers Sunday, September 28 at 8PM ET/PT - CBS
The Amazing Race's thirteenth season begins at the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum in late April and concludes in the Portland, OR area. Over the course of 23 days, the teams embark on a 30,000-mile trek that includes visits to Brazil, Bolivia, Russia and India -- as well as the show's first-ever stop in Kazakhstan.

Another one of my favorites. Inevitably there’s a couple that is at each other’s throats through the whole thing – very entertaining. Then there’s the whiner, the team that screws everyone over… Good times.

Top Design
Premieres Wednesday, September 3 at 10PM ET/PT - Bravo
Top Design's second season will be similar to last winter's edition, the contestants will live together in a loft and compete in various design-themed challenges, with the winner receiving a grand prize package of $100,000 and a four-page editorial showcase in Elle Decor magazine.

I love this show. It’s always so much fun to mock other people’s failings. You do get some good ideas from this show, as there a lot of cool designs. But the best part really is making fun of the really ugly stuff.

Secret Millionaire
Premieres on Wednesday, December 3 at 8PM ET/PT - Fox
This new reality series follows wealthy Americans as they leave their lavish lifestyles to learn what it's like to try and survive in some of the country's most impoverished neighborhoods.

Episodes will follow the wealthy participants as they go undercover to various impoverished neighborhoods for roughly a week to meet different poverty-stricken people and experience what it's like to live their lifestyle. On the last day of their experience, the millionaires will reveal their true identities to the penniless people and also give at least $100,000 of their own money -- often times more -- to those they've met.

This sounds kind of cool - kind of like “Daddy Warbucks – Hidin’ Out in Harlem”. If I were still living in my first apartment, I probably could’ve been on this show.

Premiers Friday, January 4, at 9 p.m. ET/PT – National Geographic
Dogtown takes viewers inside the grounds to meet the dogs and the team dedicated to ensuring that even the toughest cases survive. This expert team of caregivers has a single mission - to transform hopeless dogs into loving pets.

Abuse or neglect has turned some of these dogs into aggressive animals, and their trip to Dogtown is their last chance for a better life.

I’m not sure if I’ll be able to watch this, but I think it’s great that Nat Geo is airing it. These people don’t get nearly enough of the credit they deserve. Hopefully it will also raise awareness to the need for help in this area. Humans can be real bastards.

And that's my girl Josie - one of my best and oldest friends.

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Fall Reality - Worst of the Worst Part 3
Cash Or Capture
Premieres November 2008 on Sci-Fi
Cash or Capture is a reality competition show that pits a group of contestants against each other for a cash prize, while being stalked by relentless "hunters." Based on a successful Japanese format from Fuji Television, the action takes place over 60 minutes of real time in various landmark locations.

Have we really gotten so desperate for ideas we’re turning to the Japanese?! And who exactly are these “relentless hunters”? Has Sauron unleashed the Nazgul once again? Take the ring Frodo! Take the ring!

Rock of Love Girls: Charm School
Premieres Fall 2008 on VH1
VH1’s Charm School is returning for a second season. While the first season was hosted by Mo’Nique, Sharon Osbourne will be the host for the second season. In the series, Sharon Osbourne will face the challenge of teaching fourteen of the girls from Rock of Love with Bret Michaels how to be more lady-like.

Contestants from both seasons of Rock of Love will live under one roof as they study etiquette, fashion, manners, and moderation. Each week the contestants will undertake a unique lesson and then take a test, which will lead to an expulsion. The last surviving contestant will win a $100,000 prize.

This is priceless. Have you seen these girls? They’re skanks! Every single one of them. And Sharon Osbourne, of all people, is going to teach them to be “lady-like”. That’s right, the lady who married a man who eats bats, and has ingested enough drugs to put Manuel Noriega out of business.

I don’t think I can force myself to watch this, but it sounds hilarious.

Celebrity Rehab 2
Premieres Thursday, Jan. 10, 10PM ET on VH1
Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew is a reality show that chronicles the drug and alcohol rehabilitation of several well-knowns trying to rid themselves of the their addictions. Dr. Drew Pinsky will be supervising the celebrities during their inpatient stay at the Pasadena Recovery Center in California.

The eight celebrities checking in are:
- Child star, Jaimee Foxworth of singing group “Heaven Sent,” and tv’s “Family Matters.”
- Crazytown’s lead singer, Seth “Shifty” Binzer.
- UFC Heavyweight Champ, Ricco “Suave” Rodriguez.
- Another Baldwin Brother on reality TV?! Yep, this time it’s Daniel.
- Model Brigitte Nielson.
- Joan Marie Laurer — or you may know her better as buff WWF wrestler, Chyna.
- Porn star Mary Carey.
- Jeff Conaway…yes, that’s hot “Greaser,” Kenicke.
- American Idol season 4 top ten finalist, Jessica Sierra

This looks like it could be very entertaining, or just really, really dumb. Due to the fact that recognize 3 names on this list, I’m gonna’ go with really, really dumb. And yes, that's a picture of the glamorous Bridgette Neilsen.

This would have been so much better with Dr. Ruth.

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Fall Reality - Worst of the Worst Part 2
The Real Housewives of Atlanta
Premieres Tuesday, September 16 at 10PM ET/PT - Bravo
Bravo has announced The Real Housewives of Atlanta, the latest version of the network's The Real Housewives reality franchise. The Real Housewives of Atlanta will follow a similar format to its Orange County and New York City predecessors and follow five women from “Hotlanta”.

Who the fuck cares about five random ho-bags living in Atlanta?! This platform is the most inane thing I’ve ever seen. Who is watching this? Someone is because this waste of airtime keeps coming back. Kind of like VD.

Dancing with the Stars
Premieres Monday, September 22 at 8PM ET/PT - ABC
The eighth season will hit the floor with 13 celebrities slated to compete on the new season of the top-rated dance contest. This season’s line-up includes Susan Lucci, Toni Braxton, Lance Bass, Cloris Leachman, Kim Kardashian, Ted McGinley, Brooke Burke, NFL champ Warren Sapp and two Olympic athletes: Misty May-Treanor, 2008Olympian, and Maurice Greene, 2000 Olympian. Rounding out the cast are chef Rocco DiSpirito, Cody Linley of "Hannah Montana" and comedian Jeffrey Ross.

So, Frau Blucher is going to be in a dance competition? Well I guess it makes sense. Not only does she exude sexuality, she has moves that make Travolta look like an amateur.

My Big Redneck Wedding
Premieres Saturday, October 4 at 9PM ET/PT. - CMT
CMT has announced My Big Redneck Wedding's second season will hosted by comedian Tom Arnold. Each episode follows a different pair of lovebirds living below the Mason-Dixon Line as they prepare to walk down the aisle and throw a reception.

The premiere will follow Elaine and Bruce as they prepare for their wedding, which includes a shoe-optional service; invitations on paper napkins; a mud pit ceremony at the Horse Hole Mud Bog; and bridesmaids and groomsmen who wear tank tops and cut-off shorts.

Once again, Country Music TV doesn’t fail to disappoint. I wonder if they put together an oral hygiene kit to use as wedding favors. Maybe a coupon to Dr. Dumbley’s Denture Emporium…

Gimme My Reality Show!
Premiers Saturday, October 11 at Midnight – Fox Reality Channel
This show follows a group of D-list reality retreads as they battle each other in various challenges. The ultimate winner will receive his/her own Fox Reality Channel show that will debut next year.

The cast will consist of former American Idol finalist, The Surreal Life housemate and Battle of the Network Reality Stars contestant Ryan Starr; former O.J. Simpson houseguest Kato Kaelin; former The Anna Nicole Show interior decorator Bobby Trendy; former Baywatch actress, The Surreal Life, Celebrity Boot Camp and U.K. Celebrity Big Brother 2006 participant Traci Bingham; Project Runway second-season runner-up Santino Rice; former Breaking Bonaduce co-star Gretchen Bonaduce; and former The Brady Bunch actress Susan Olsen.

Can you imagine a bigger bunch of media whores and assholes assembled on one stage? Definitely one of the worst this season. And how exactly does Kato Kaelin fit in?

Mobile Home Disaster
This show, sadly, appears to be over for the season, but I just couldn’t help myself. Country Music Television, the channel that’s given us “Redneck Dreams”, “Hillbilly Deluxe”, and “Trick My Truck” put this gem out earlier this year.

Basically it’s just like “Extreme Makeover – Home Edition”, except in this show they redecorate your double-wide. And look at the tasteful appointments they’ve made to this lil’ piece o’ heaven!

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Fall Reality - Worst of the Worst Part 1
My Super Sweet 16 Presents: Exiled!
Premieres Monday, August 25 at 10:30PM ET/PT - MTV
This new reality series sends former “My Super Sweet 16” teens to live with the indigenous tribes of far away countries for the opportunity to add some perspective to their world view.

Each episode will follow one of eight girls who -- at the behest of their parents – has been transplanted to a primitive tribe around the world to experience the lifestyle of the teenage girls who live there year round.

So these spoiled little punk-ass bitches will be sent to live with the natives in a remote jungle. I can already hear the bitching and whining. One word – cannibalism. There’s a reason for it people.

The Rachel Zoe Project
Premiere Monday, September 8 at 11PM ET/PT – Bravo
This new reality series follows celebrity stylist Rachel Zoe and her team of fashion experts as they attempt to take their business to the next level.

The Rachel Zoe Project will offer viewers a behind-the-scenes look at Zoe and her team as they attempt to put Zoe at the forefront of a new business. Zoe and her team are also always trying to ensure she's still able to help her celebrity clients while juggling everything from fashion magazine deadlines to photo shoots.

Who the hell is Rachel Zoe? Yet another biting example that anyone, I mean anyone, can get their own reality show. And what is going on at Bravo? First they get rid of Project Runway, and now this crap. I think all the gays must have resigned and gone to Lifetime.

Hole in the Wall
Premiere Thursday, September 11 at 8PM ET/PT - Fox
Hosted by actress Brooke Burns and TV personality Mark Thompson, each Hole in the Wall episode will follow two teams competing against each other to get through various walls speeding towards them. Their only means of getting through will be different-sized shapes, forcing the contestants to contort their bodies in unison as they either squeeze through or get knocked into a pool below.

So this is a show about people trying to climb through holes in walls. Apparently this show has been a hit in Japan (go figure), the UK and Australia. I'm just not gettin' it.

Solo: Lost at Sea
Premieres Monday, Sept. 15 at 10PM ET/PT – National Geographic Channel
Solo: Lost at Sea, is a series that documents adventurer Andrew McAuley's attempt to become the first person to kayak solo from Australia to New Zealand.

McAuley's journey is documented by a video camera mounted on the bow of his boat, capturing his own words and the strokes of his paddle as he attempted to survive wild storms, circling sharks and an exhausting month of paddling across the Tasman Sea.

Wow, that so doesn’t sound very interesting. “Capturing the strokes of his paddle”? Whoever came up with this show is a stroke.

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Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Is Mary Murphy the spawn of hell?
In an earlier post about the summer’s upcoming Reality TV line-up, I classified "So You Think You Can Dance” in the “What will probably suck but I’m watching anyway” category. I have to admit, I was wrong.

I know, I know, you’re thinking “that’s just not possible – you’re right about everything!” But being perfect means admitting when you’re not – it is an oxymoron, I know.

But seriously, I love this show. The dancing is really, really good. I actually found myself in tears the other night. Its one near-fatal flaw is Mary Murphy. The screams, the cackles, those bug eyes! And those teeth – My God! They are mutant white. I swear she must gargle with bleach to achieve that glow-in-the-dark look. Do you think America could vote her off?

Aside from Scary Mary, I have definitely found a new favorite. If you appreciate art, you really should check it out.

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posted by Jean at Tuesday, June 24, 2008 - 0 comments
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
suck it up
Apparently being a gynecologist from Chicago means that: a) You are a bitch, and b) you have to talk with a bizarre, snotty tone at all times. I can see that Nicole is the one who is really going to provide me with some great content. That whole business with her refusing to sleep outside – OMG! Then she started referring to herself as Dr. Diva. I thought it was priceless when she found out they were all leaving her on the beach for the night. At least that left her free to find prey in the cover of darkness before turning into a bat.

My husband and I are kind of leaning towards skinny, whiny Bobby as the Mole last night, but now I’m having second thoughts. I think that Mark is also a strong candidate. The man’s a history teacher – in the Carusoe challenge the things he was putting on the table were ridiculous. A Victrola, seriously? It wasn’t even put on the market until 1901.

And let’s face it, anyone who would voluntarily style his hair like that has got to be hiding something.

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posted by Jean at Wednesday, June 04, 2008 - 0 comments

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